There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
