You smell like a Billy Joel song
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
