hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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