Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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