If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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