i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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