her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
