i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
