Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i dont even know how to be here
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
