Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
this hospital has no fireball
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
