Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
