...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
