At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
