I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
barbara walters just said penis...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
