Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
