but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
