I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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