I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
