If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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