I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize