so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
