my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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