You just made me feel so damn special
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
