im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
