First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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