pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
