So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
