I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
