Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
