i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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