Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
