Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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