ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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