Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
