Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
