Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she peed on how many people?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
