Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
