genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He better not be in your backpack
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
