You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
