It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
