Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
