I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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