apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There r osticjed everywhere
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
