so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
