I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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