tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
