we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
