I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
