Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
