naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Randomize
