You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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