her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
