Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think I just sharted jello shots
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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