Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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