I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
