That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
