thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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