You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
its not stalking. its research.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
