Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
