well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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