Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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