you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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