i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
