Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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