Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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