We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
