you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
