Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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