420 ftw
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
3pm strippers are depressing
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
