I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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