He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Shame - the story of my life.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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