whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
