i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
