Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
