He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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