those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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