I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you would pick up someone in the library
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
