Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
