Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
