my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
