we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
