I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize