do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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