My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I licked your asshole in confidence.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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