So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
