It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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