When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
