You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
