He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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