You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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