you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
