I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
