Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
