anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
