I'm eating all of the evidence.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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