All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
